Think about it.
It’s about that time again folks. A mid-year check point. I’ve been jumping through starred hoops lately. And guess what, I’ve patiently waited!
Next Tuesday marks the first day of the rest of my life (although that’s my mantra every morning). For once, I’m making the money I deserve, doing a job I’m going to kickass at. Now if I can only finish my degree.. it’ll be perfecto by the time the Private Group shifts focus to Europe. Damn right kids!
Living in the present used to take so much effort. I never wanted to deal with any issues. My selfish mind thought I’ve already had enough life experiences by that point. But you know, you’re only a failure when you give up while behind.
I’ve since realized that living in the past is what drains energy. Thinking too far into the future, analzying more than some recently-certified, overachieving stockbroker.. can knock ya down too. Protecting something you’re not sure is 100% yours is ridiculous as well. But doubting that is so much worse.
January brought a sense of urgency. Got up, opened the blinds to my eyes & shut the f up so I could listen. Took in the surroundings. Revamped my whole way of looking at things/events/people. Began to wind down on all the partying. Really focused on work. Found a real stress-reliever.
February was uneasy. Forgot all about relieving stress. At that point, I had been fighting emotionally and verbally for a straight three and a half months. I didn’t know who I was when I looked in the mirror. Flailed a bit, clung to what was tangible and ordinary. Pushed away. Sought out distractions.
March was a pleasant surprise. A calm before the storm if you will. Reconnected with persons from my past. Reconnected my life. Devised a plan of action.
April brought resignation. From my job & old habits. Enjoyed the vacation. Somehow those long days alone didn’t seem lonely. I gathered the nerve to say it. And to let go for once and all. Truly not expecting those “distractions” to pay off.
I suppose in the scheme of things, none of this really matters. I’m being intentionally vague. If you wish to know details, I’ll talk details. What’s more important is another half of the year to do right by myself and others.
My heart is occupied again. As in: filled with anticipation for what the future holds. And that my friends, is the greatest feeling in the world. Something I can’t express with a dry eye & something for which I’ll always be grateful.
The sounds, the comfort, the emotion
This is the year.
